The Clumsy Fool
by Itsa Riddle
Summary: The story of a clumsy girl named Helena who just can't seem to keep her mouth shut.What more trouble will she get into and will she find love and acceptance among a messy haired knight? I'm back
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer Why do we have to make these? Um well I do not own anything whatsoever to do with the movie King Arthur. If I did I would have Tristan tied to my bed right now and lets just say I would'nt be writing this story. _

_Prologue-_

_Bloody hell my mum is going to kill me!_ The young golden brown haired woman thought to herself. This was the second job that month she lost. The first job was running a fruit stand in the market. Simple enough, right? Wrong. The first day she had five apples stolen and "accidentally" knocked all the fruit to the ground in her frustration. Her boss was defiantly not pleased. He fired her on the spot. To this day she still thought that he was over reacting.

_The next job she got fired from (this one she got fired from that day) was a seamstress at the local tailor shop. It was a catastrophe. At first it went okay, well when she didn't have to do anything but stand there and watch the head seamstress show her what she had to do when torn clothes came in etc. The problem was she ended up not paying attention at the beginning thinking it wasn't important and then when she finally realized what the crazy lady was saying was important she got confused. Apparently the beginning part was important. She was about to ask the lady to show her again but she just kept interrupting her._

_"Oh you'll do fine. It's easy." The lady said._

_Oh how she hated those two words for it seemed everything easy to other people was complicated for Helena. The head Seamstress called back to her to begin mending the breeches laying on a near by table. She didn't have a choice so she picked up a pair and laid them down on her worktable. She took out some needle and thread and began to repair them. Easy enough, she thought. Oh how wrong she was._

_About a half hour later the head seamstress came back to check on her and found tables turned over, ripped fabric, pins lying everywhere and in the middle of the Chaos stood Helena jumping up and down shaking her hand that was somehow attached to a pair of pants. She began puling at the pants with her other hand tearing them in two, succeeding in getting her hand free._

_"Aha! Yes! My hand, it's finally free!" She said with excitement._

_That excitement quickly died down when she stopped and turned around the room looking at the mess she made._

_"Fuck!" she yelled, still not realizing her boss was in the room. When she heard a throat clearing she slowly turned around and saw her boss. Lets just say she was angrier then a Woad without his blue body paint._

_I'd rather face a Woad at this point. She thought to her self, mockingly._

_"Out! Get out! Out of my shop you dumb wench! Look what you did to my shop! You're a catastrophe! GET OUT!" She yelled at the clumsy girl._

And that's how the girl then got in the position of trying to figure out how she was again going to tell her mother she was fired. She could make up some lie saying that her boss was just mean and didn't help her at all. But then again her mother raised her. She already knew how big of a screw up her daughter was. Twenty-four and she was still living at home with her mother.

_"What a shame you are. Twenty-four and still not married. When I was your age I already had 3 children and was married for 7 years to your father. What a shame. Your sisters are younger then you are and have been married for some time now." Her mother would always say to her._

It wasn't her fault that men didn't want to court her. Well okay maybe it was. Every man that asked to court her was either an asshole or Roman. And lets face it, who the hell wants that? So every man that hit on her she would either slap, punch or pour something on. Besides none of them were all that attractive anyway.

She just wanted a nice respectable man who loved her for everything even her many faults, _preferably Sarmatian_, she thought.

_Keep dreaming_, she told herself. Things like that only happen in stories and songs.

She quickly made her way down the road to the home she lived in all her life. The rest of her family except for her sister moved back to their homeland of Sarmatia. Her mother refused to leave because their father lay buried here and she couldn't bear to leave him. Helena missed her father. He was a good and honorable man. He was a Sarmatian knight like the Sarmatian knights that resided there now. He was lead by Sir Arthur's father and died gallantly in battle along with Arthur's father. His name was Hareth and he met her mother when he was stationed at the fort. They met in the market place and when they spotted each other across the crowd they instantly fell in love. One marriage and four children later here we are.

She entered the house and quickly looked around for her mother, she was nowhere in sight. _She must have gone out. Thank the goddess. _Thought Helena. She quickly made her way to her bedroom and plopped down on her bed groaning.

_Why can't my life just be simple for once, ugh. _

She turned on her side and gazed at the book her father had given her. It was filled with fairy tails of all sorts. He used to read it to her every night he would return from a mission. She missed those days, when it was just her and her father. Her father loved all his children but he always had a special place for Helena in his heart. She looked so much like him with her golden brown hair and green eyes and acted just like him too. People could defiantly tell she was his daughter. She missed him so, he always told her to go for her dreams no matter what.

_I wish you were here father..._

After a while Helena finally got off the bed. Her nose perked up and she smelt around the room for the bad smell but after five minutes she realized it was her. _Peee yuuuu! _

After a couple buckets full of water from the nearbywell and some soap, the bath was ready to go. She took off her raggedy brown dress she slid into the slightly cold water.

She leaned her head back in the wooden tub and sighed, "Bloody breeches!"

Chapter One-

Helena was in the middle of combing her shoulder length brown hair when she heard her mother come in. She gulped and readied herself to face the ultimate attacker, the most scariest of beast, the one woman who could kill someone with just a glance… Her mother!

She walked into the kitchen to find her mother making some tea. Without even turning she said to Helena, "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please." Said Helena, not really surprised her mother noticed her before she said anything. _I swear that woman has better hearing then any scout in the land._

"Sit." Her mother instructed, so Helena took a seat at the kitchen table. Her mother came over and slammed her cup of tea down in front of her and then turned back to the stove.

_Uh oh that's not good. She's angry. Does she know I got fired? Maybe she does. I swear I think that woman can read minds sometimes. Oh goddess what if she really can? Mum can you hear me now?_

Her mother's voice brought her out of her mind inquirer and into the presence again.

"I was talking to the women in the market today, and apparently you got fired…again." Her mother said deadly calm.

Helena merely nodded looking down into her tea.

"Apparently you destroyed the entire back room by accidentally sewing your hand to the crotch of a pair of pants."

Helena tried not to laugh. Now looking back on it, it was actually quite funny. Maybe her mother would think so too.

"Are you proud of yourself! Embarrassing yourself and our family?" _Or maybe not_.

"You're such a shame to our family, why can't you be like your sisters, married and with children! I will not have you becoming an old spinster in this house! If only…"

Helena just tuned her out after that. Never would her mother be proud of her, never would she just say she loved her. Helena wished her father were still there. He always knew how to cheer her up, and would always stand up for her. Helena had had enough of her mother she decided there that she had to to stand up for herself for once. She stood up causing the tea to spill; but she didn't care. Enough was enough!

"Shut up Mother, Shut up! I am sick of your ranting. Iris this Arina that Jacquelyn this. I AM NOT MY SISTERS! I AM ME! And you are just going to have to deal with it. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'm sorry that I can't live up to your expectations but you know what? FUCK YOU! You're not perfect either. You sit there and judge people for all their faults when you have plenty of your own, you big nobody! Well you know what? I'm fed up with it!" Helena screamed.

"I will not sit here and have you talk this way to me in my own house! How dare you!" Her mother replied angrily.

"Fine! I'm out of here. I'll find my own place and job without any help. Goodbye Mother." On that note she turned on her heel and walked out of the room leaving a shocked mother behind her.

She did it. She had finally said the things she wished to say to her mother for years. She quickly made her way to her room and took out a couple bags from her closet. She packed up all her clothing in one bag and her other personal belongings in the other. What she didn't need she left behind. She went over to her table and picked up her Father's book and clutched it to her chest. She would never leave without that. After putting the book in one of her bags she fastened her cloak and was ready to go.

She walked out of the house and slammed the door behind her. She started walking down the road when she realized. Where the hell was she going to go? She could either sleep on the streets or she could take what little money she had and stay at the inn. Helena took out her money and began counting it. She had enough to at least last her a week but would need to find a job soon.

She quickly made her way to the inn almost stumbling a couple times. She walked past a gated area where she knew the infamous round table of the knights was. She stopped for a little bit and just gazed in. She sometimes wished she were a boy so she could fight. She of course had not much experience. Her father tried teaching her the sword but that ended up being a big catastrophe in its self. But her father never gave up on her. Her father died before she could ever really learn anything and she hadn't picked up a sword since.

She started walking again and was in the middle of remembering a pleasant memory of her father without paying attention to anything around her and ended up almost running into a dappled horse making its way threw the gates. She jumped backwards quickly trying to get out of the way and ended up not making thesolid ground she hoped for but more like a hole. She ended up falling backwards her feet flying above her. All her belongings went flying. She just lay there for a minute staring at the sky.

_Great! Just great. _She thought sarcastically. A Horse and a man's face came into her line of vision. He peered down at her from his curtain of dark hair. Her breath caught for some strange reason and she just lay there and stared at him. He had these queer tattoos on his cheeks (face cheeks that is. She wouldn't know about the others, not saying she didn't want to. Hee hee...Bad Helena!). Hisdark brown eyes looked like they were questioning her. She quickly sat up and felt a wave of dizziness as she did so. She groaned and held her head.

"Are you ok?" He asked and she couldn't help but like his soft accented voice.

And then she ruined it by opening that big old trap of hers. "Fine, great, just grand. I just thought I'd inspect the dirt here make sure it was dirty enough to get on my arse." She peered down at her backside. "Yup, looks dirty." She said sarcastically.

He stared at her for a few minutes and looked a little taken aback she stared into his eyes and saw a hint of anger in them.

_Oh shit! Me and my big mouth. Why can't I just keep quiet for once?_ She thought then noticed the sword he held on his back and bow. _Fuck! He must be a knight. I am so dead. _

"You should watch where you're going next time, Lady." He said then turned his horse around and rode into the gated area.

"Asshole." Helena muttered not thinking he would hear. She was wrong. He turned his horse around again and stared at her through the gates.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

_Oh goddess he's too calm he must be like my mother with that deadly calmness thing. I am so dead._

She quickly picked up her things and ran for dear life. That was something she was good at, running. She ran fast and swift hearing hoof beats behind her she picked up the pace and sprinted into the nearest building hoping he didn't see. She leaned against the wall hugging her bags to her chest breathing heavily. She heard the hoof beats fade away but before they did she could have sworn she heard laughter.

_Bastard. _She thought and then looked around at where she was. She was in bar of some sorts attached to an inn. _Oh well this is where I want to be; so good._

She made her way to the bar and saw a red haired pregnant woman pouring some drinks.

"Um. Excuse me but I was wondering. Where do I get a room at?" She asked her.

The woman looked up and said, "Oh, I'll show you one. Of course if you got the money first." She said friendly.

"Of course." And she took out her money pouch and handed her a few coins.

"Ok I'll show you your room. Follow me." Helena followed the woman up some stairs and twists and turns until she stopped at a door.

"Ah, I believe this one's free." She opened the door and sure enough it was.

"My names Vanora by the way. If you need anything come and find me. I'll be down in the bar."

"Ok, um Vanora, I was also wondering if you have any job openings. I could do whatever. I just need some money." Helena asked the older woman.

"Actually I need a new barmaid and I think you'll do perfect. What's your name? Vanora asked.

"My name is Helena. And thank you so much. What do I have to do?" She asked.

"Well if you put your things down I can show you what to do and you can get started and help me tonight. If that's alright with you."

"Oh that would be wonderful. Thank you again." Helena responded appreciatively.

"Oh no problem. You'll fit in just fine. I can tell." She said and smiled at Helena. They made their way down the stairs and Helena looked down at the pregnant woman's pregnant belly.

"When are you having the baby?" She asked her.

"Oh, I'm due in about a months. This is my 11th. I know, a lot right? You'll see the rest of my children eventually." She said smiling. Helena was shocked. That's a lot of kids. But she must love children. Helena liked children too but she couldn't imagine that many.

"Are you married?" Helena asked her.

"Hell no, my lover never asked me and I'm fine the way it is."

"Oh." Was all Helena responded with.

"You got a man?" Vanora asked mischievously.

"Well, no." Helena laughed at herself. "I'm too big of a screw up. Besides all the men that hit on me are either assholes or Roman. And I defiantly don't want a Roman. I want a nice Sarmation man to wed."

Vanora laughed. "Don't we all? So where are you from?" she asked.

"I actually lived down the road from here with my mother but we had a falling out and I decided I didn't want to live there anymore. Both my parents are Sarmatian my father was a knight and died in battle when I was young. This is where I was born and lived her ever since."

"Oh I'm sorry dear, but how about we put all that sad stuff behind us and start over. I'll show you the ropes and then we get started. The night crowd should be coming in soon."

Helena smiled at her. She was really begining to like this woman.

Vanora showed her everything she needed to do and was very patient with Helena. Helena was most appreciative for that. After Vanora was done explaining Helena went to work. After a while she got the hang of it and was actually doing pretty well. Helena was actually proud of herself for once. _How do you like me now, Mother?_ She laughed to herself.

After putting a flagon of bear down at a table she turned to the sound of some rowdy men coming in. They made their way to a table by the bar and sat down. Helena quickly made her way to the bar and saw Vanora passionately kissing a big bald man. _That_ _must be the lover she was talking about._

After they broke apart she turned to Helena.

"Oh yeah. Bors, this is Helena she will be working here for while helping me out." Vanora told him.

"Nice to meet you darling." He said shaking her hand.

"You too, Bors." She said with every bit of truth he seemed really nice even if he had a rough exterior.

"Here Helena, could you take these over there to the rest of the Knights?" Vanora asked handing her two big pitchers of beer.

"Sure." And she headed over to the table. The knights instantly stopped what they were doing and looked at her.

"Your new aren't you?" Asked a knight with long hair.

"Yes, my name is Helena." Each knight said hello and introduced themselves. She met Gawain (the one who asked her if she was new), Galahad, and Dagonet they seemed pretty nice even though Gawain kept looking at her breasts.

"Nice to meet you." She said smiling and placed their pitcher down and went to the other side of the table. There was a knight sitting at the end eating an apple with a knife. When she was a few feet away he looked up. She instantly recognized him as the man on horseback that knocked her over.

"Shit!" she said aloud. She was so shocked she again didn't pay attention to where she was going and ended up tripping and falling backwards again spilling the pitcher all over her dress.

"Like the dirt down there too?" He asked mockingly.

_Why that little…wait, he recognized me. Oh goddess. _

She glared at him and got up. She dusted herself off and threw the empty picture at him and stormed off to the bar. As she walked she heard him laugh and was about to turn around and slap him when Vanora came over to her.

"Why are you all wet?"

"Long story. Ugh." She said looking down at her soaked body.

"Here, come with me you can borrow one of my dresses for tonight."

"Thanks, Vanora." Helena said gratefully.

"No problem. Hopefully it fits."

They made there way to Vanora's room quickly which was much closer then Helena's. Vanora tossed open a trunk and dug through finding a dark green dress that she thought would work. She handed it to Helena and helped her take off her dark brown dress and put on the green one. After they were finished Helena looked in a mirror and thought she looked pretty. It didn't fit perfectly but it was good enough. She thanked Vanora again and walked back to the bar.

When they got there Helena took Vanora to the side to talk to her.

"Vanora, who is that man over there in the corner?" She asked pointing to the dark knight.

"That's Tristan. He is also one of Arthur's Knights. He is the scout for the team. He doesn't talk much and usually keeps to himself except for an occasional romp here and there with a random woman. He is very kind when he talks but that is rare. I personally think he's shy but that's me." Responded Vanora.

"No he's not shy he's just rude." Vanora looked questionably at her and Helena recounted her encounter with him.

Afterward Vanora was clutching her sides laughing at her.

"I'm glad you find it funny." Helena said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry but that's funny. Are you always that clumsy?"

"Yes unfortunately and I can never seem to keep my tongue in check. That bloody bastard." She said turning toward Tristan who was joining a conversation between Gawain and Galahad.

"It sounds like you're smitten with him. That's how I started with Bors." Vanora said.

"Oh no! Please. I mean come on? Look at him. I could never."

"YOU LIKE TRISTAN!" Vanora screamed and Helena quickly tried shushing her.

"No shhh be quiet. I do not."

"YOU LOVE TRISTAN. KISSY KISSY!"

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Helena causing half the bar including the knights to look at the steaming girl.

"I DO NOT LIKE THAT STUPID SCOUT WITH HAIR PROBLEMS!" Helena screamed pointing at Tristan again not realizing the entire bar was staring at her. She then noticed the dead silence and slowly turned around. She gave a nervous laugh and then tried to run but was grabbed from behind by a pair of manly arms.

"So you like our scout do you? Well I think I can change that." The man whispered in her ear and then began kissing down her neck. She could tell he was drunk and knew how to handle it. She picked up her foot and with much force slammed down on his foot. He instantly let go and she elbowed him in the nose. He grabbed his bleeding nose and was too busy to notice her other fist collide with his groin. He gave a yelp of pain and fell to the floor clutching his crotch.

"Nobody does that to me without permission, sir." She said and crossed her arms over chest looking down at him.

There was much laughter heard around the bar and Helena couldn't help but smile as she looked down at him.

Author's note: Ok well I guess this could be called my second fanfic but I consider it my first. I wrote another one before but it sucked hardcore believe me. I wrote the other one when I was 13 I think wow my writing style has changed a bit. Anywho... I hope you all like my story, I kind of have this story planned out in my head, and I kind of don't. If you noticed some familiar things I took the foot stomp elbow groin thing from Miss Congeniality... I love that movie. If you could possibly refrain from flaming me that would be nice but if you must go ahead I can take it, I'm a big girl now! haha Um.. Constructive criticism is welcome. I'm kind of new at this so yeah... Well please, please comment! Thank you.

Itsa Riddle


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yup….still don't own anything that has to do with the movie King Arthur….sighs

Chapter 2: Doors they just seem to get in the way

Helena quickly dusted herself off and made her way back towards Vanora away from the curly haired knight on the floor. Vanora was again bent over clutching her pregnant belly laughing.

"I can't believe that you just punched Lancelot in his most prized treasure…his balls!" She burst out as she began to laugh even louder.

"Put him right in his place you did."

"Well I try." They both laughed and Vanora went back to work. Helena felt a weird sensation, almost like someone was watching her. She turned around and found two familiar dark eyes staring back at her.

She met Tristan's gaze with her own and he broke it to sweep his eyes down the length of her body. She felt a thrill of excitement well up in the pit of her stomach and when he finally met her gaze again she was blushing profusely. She quickly turned around to hide her flustered face and made her way to the bar. She told Vanora she needed a break and that she wasn't feeling well. Vanora just told her to take the rest of the night off. Helena thanked her and walked out of the pub. She was quite proud of herself that she didn't trip on the way out like she normally would.

She didn't know why she fled. She had had that type of attention before but had never reacted that way towards it. The only thing that she could think about when his eyes roamed her body was what it would feel like to have his hands follow the path his eyes followed.

Hugging herself she stomped her clunky boots down a dirt path lined with brick buildings and thatched roofs. When she passed a certain building she heard the loud noise of a horse neighing. The noise was becoming quite loud so she made her way inside and found it to be a stable.

She found the horse that was the source of the noise it was a beautiful dapple-gray gelding that nudged its head out of its stall when he heard Helena come in. She made her way towards him slowly so not to scare him.

"Easy boy. It's only clumsy old Helena. I won't hurt you."

He seemed to calm a bit and she put out her hand for him to sniff. After a while of further inspection she stepped closer and stroked his head, which seemed to make him relax.

"See told you I wouldn't hurt you. You're a very handsome horse, yes you are. I wonder whom you belong to, your very well taken care of I see. Your owner must love you very much…I wonder…" She broke off when she heard a noise like someone entering the stable.

Helena quickly spun around but couldn't find anyone.

_Oh shit, I'm going to die aren't I? Oh god, I don't want to die a virgin._

She slowly spun around looking around for the invader of the stable. She didn't realize the length of the gown she wore and her boots ended up getting caught in it. The spinning caused her to get tangled in it and she frantically tried to untangle herself and the result of this caused her to trip and begin to fall back wards.

She braced herself for the oncoming fall and closed her eyes. But the impact never came and she just felt two strong arms wrapped around her. She opened her eyes as her catcher put her back on her feet and she saw that it was Tristan.

Oh dear god, this man must really think I'm a stupid fool for all I seem to do in his presence is fall on my arse.

_Why do you even care Helena?_

_I don't._

_Sure you don't._

_Oh shut up!_

_Helena I am you, and you just told your self to shut up._

_Mother fuc…_

She snapped herself out of her argument to not further embarrass herself by talking to herself in front of a man she barely knew…a very attractive man she barley knew…oh shit.

She then realized that his arms were still wrapped around her.

"Um, thanks" she said inferring for him to let go of her. He did and stepped back just staring at her with that dark gaze of his.

"You fall a lot." He said bluntly.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Was all she could think to say.

_Stupid!_

_Aw look you do care._

_Do not!_

She turned her attention back to Tristan and he began walking around her. She had no idea what he was doing; all she could feel was his eyes upon her. She began to shiver and she knew it wasn't from the cold or fear.

"Do you fear me?" His voice was deep and she couldn't help but shiver again because of it.

"No." She responded.

"Then why are you shivering?"

"Cold." As she said this he stopped in front of her and stepped closer making her voice falter. He reached out and touched her neck, which caused an intense heat to rise to her face.

"You don't feel cold; quite the opposite." He slid his hand down to where her neck met her shoulder and stroked her throat with his thumb. Helena let out a gasp when he did this and just stared up at him with those dopey green eyes of hers. Of course Helena had to open that infamous mouth of hers too.

"What are you doing?" This seemed to snap him out of his trance and he took his hand from her neck and stepped back.

"I don't know."

"Oh." Was all she could think to say.

"I better go back." He said and began to walk towards the door as he walked out Helena realized that she had no idea how to get back because she wasn't paying attention to where she was going when she walked there.

She ran after him towards the door. What Helena didn't expect was for him to close the door after him and she ended up not stopping in time and ran right into the door face first. She let out a yelp and stumbled backwards landing in a pile of hay on the floor.

Tristan must have heard the bang on the door because he quickly opened the door and found Helena sprawled out in a pile of hay looking like she was crying. He walked closer thinking that she was seriously hurt but on closer inspection he noticed that she wasn't crying, but in fact laughing.

Helena clutched her sides and began laughing hysterically about how stupid she was for running into a closed door.

Oh, I'll never live this down.

She felt someone kneel down next to her and found Tristan looking down at her with a smile on his face.

"Did you just run into a closed door?"

She began to laugh again and blurted out, "Yes!" At that she found a Knight laughing as hard as she was.

She perked up and faced him, "Hey! It's not that funny." At the look on his face she responded, "Okay yeah it was!" They both lay back in the hay and laughed for what seemed to the both of them, the first in a very long time.

After a few minutes of a high pitched giggle and low tone laugh filling the stable the two tried to catch their breaths and sit up. Tristan was the first to speak.

"Why did you run into a closed door?"

"Well as you were leaving I realized I had no idea of how to get back to the inn so I ran to catch up to you and I didn't know you were going to close the door after you so when I did realize it I tried to stop but my reflexes weren't fast enough and BAM I ran right into the door."

"You must have really slow reflexes."

"No I don't!"

"Oh yeah? Put out your hands."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

So she put out her hands in front of her and Tristan placed his, palm up under hers. Helena had no idea what he was doing so she concentrated on their hands and then very quickly Tristan took his hands from underneath hers and lightly slapped the top of hers. It took her a full 5 seconds after he hit her to actually move her own hands out of the way.

"See, you do have slow reflexes." He stated.

"So what." She crossed her arms over her chest pouting. He laughed at her and got up and reached his arm out to help her up she took it and got up stumbling a little but he steadied her with his arms around her waist. Helena couldn't help but think it felt good to have his arms wrapped around her but just as she thought it, he let go and stepped back.

"Lets go back to the inn, follow me and this time don't run into the door."

"Ha Ha, very funny." She said sarcastically.

He smiled and led her out of the stable and back onto the dirt road. The walk back was pretty uneventful and Helena managed not to fall. A personal victory for her. They reached the inn and climbed the stairs to Helena's room once they reached her door she stopped in front of it and faced Tristan.

"Well thank you for leading me home, it you hadn't I would still be stuck in that stable, running into other doors."

He smirked, nodded and gave her one last glance saying, "Good night, Helena." And walked away.

"Good night, Tristan." She whispered after him. She opened and closed her door and stared at it with loathing.

"Bloody doors!" She muttered and could have sworn she heard male laughter follow.

Author's note-

Well thank you to everyone who has read my story especially: LANCELOTTRISTANBABY- Thank you for taking the time to comment it really means a lot.

And

Celosia- Thank you I'm glad you like my story so far, yeah I can't really sew either even though I strive to be a costume designer someday haha, I should probably learn. But I really appreciate the comment it motivated me to write some more knowing that someone was reading.

Sorry for the wait, I couldn't think of what to write for a while but then I started listening to the new Fiona Apple cd especially the song Extraordinary Machine which just sounds comical to me anywho Thank you for the comments and hopefully I'll get the next chapter out before next weekend. Please comment; it really motivates me to actually write.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't anything to do with King Arthur….GOSH!! Quit rubbing it in!

The next day Helena awoke feeling alive for the first time. She felt free, free of her mother and free of high expectations. Here at the inn no one knew her and she could just be Helena, the clumsy fool.

She quickly dressed in a simple dress and of course her clunky boots that used to be her older brothers when he was young. She didn't bother with her hair or appearance very much; she just simply did not care. Up until five years ago Helena's mother would have to grab her by her ear and drag her into the tub to take a bath because Helena was always on the run.

When she was young she would explore the walled town or sneak over the wall into the woods, she was always seemed to do it alone though. She didn't fit in with the girls because they would rather play with their dolls then pretend to be knights and wizards. When Helena reached her teens all the girls blossomed and developed perfect bodies. Helena's was less then perfect. She was shorter then everyone else with big hips and big breasts. The girls teased her and told her she was fat when she wasn't really, just curvier. She never had any girlfriends growing up and she was so awkward and clumsy that her sisters would lie about them being related. This worked because all of her sisters looked like their mother with dark, almost black hair and blue eyes.

"They were all embarrassed of me…They ignored me." She admitted to herself as she sunk back onto her bed her mood somewhat depleted.

"Well fuck them they're whores anyway." She slowly got up and trudged her way out of her room and downstairs to the tavern.

Vanora was up and already fluttering about serving people drinks and food. She looked to the tables the knights sat at last night and saw only Dagonet, Bors, and a rather hung over Lancelot.

She went over towards Vanora bid her good morning and began serving drinks and food from the kitchen. As she went towards the Knight's table she noticed Lancelot face first on the table groaning. She slammed his dish of food rather loudly onto the table which admitted a groan from him. He looked up to see who his assailant was to find Helena standing there with her hands on her hips which made him groan again.

"Look, I'm sorry I was drunk and you're an attractive woman things like that don't mix well for a man. But come on you're the one who hit me in the nuts not the other way round, so I should be the one mad at you now."

At her glare he quickly changed his mind.

_Her glare could rival that of Tristan's._ He thought.

"Or not…Seriously though I'm sorry. We got off wrong, I'm Lancelot and your name is?"

"Helena." She replied cautiously.

"Well sweet Helena, is a lowly dog like me forgiven?" He quickly turned on the charm and she couldn't help but smile.

"I guess I shall forgive you…for now. But don't you ever grab me again unless I let you, which is very doubtful." At that she quickly fled the table but not before she heard his quiet response.

"We'll see about that."

Authors Note: Okay it's been almost a year and I'm really really really sorry. I got massive writers block and I've been sooooo freakin busy. Plus a lot of the time I like to read fanfictions rather then write them but for now I'm back….I hope. This chapter is really short but I'm already writing the next one so I thought I might as well give you something before everyone completely gives up on me….if you haven't already. Hangs head in shame The plan with this story is still up in the air but don't expect too much drama this story is probably going to be complete humor and fluff. I'm still not sure about smut in future chapters. I really don't mind writing it. If you guys want it tell me. Sorry again…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: blah blah blah I don't own anything except my wonderfully clumsy character…I get it.

After muttering "Wanker" under her breath Helena walked away and proceeded to spend the rest of the morning working quietly. It was well into the afternoon before Tristan sauntered in. He was already dressed and had all his weapons attached to him. On his left gloved hand was a rather impressive looking hawk. By the looks of it, he had already been out.

"He goes out almost every morning at the crack of dawn hunting with that bird of his." Whispered Dagonet who obviously noticed Helena's questioning look.

She nodded towards her new friend. She, Dagonet and Bors became quick friends that morning. Since Dag was the only one who didn't drink the night before and Bors the only one who didn't get hangovers they were rather cheerful and welcomed the company. They played this weird game with dice that the girl was becoming rather good, much to Bor's distaste.

"I couldn' beat Dag over here for at least a year and here you come struttin' over an beat the piss out a us!" After this explanation the rather large man threw his hands in the air and walked off to find Vanora.

Helena just let out a giggle where as Dagonet just smiled.

Helena looked up when she felt someone standing next to her and saw the smiling face of Gawain.

"Lets see what else you can do girly. Me, Galahad and I'm sure Tristan will eventually join are going to play a game of throwing knives. Wanna join?"

"Me?!? Please, I would be horrible I can't even walk straight let alone throw a knife."

"Oh come on, I'm sure your not as bad as you think. Here, me and Galahad will teach you. Isn't that right Galahad?"

"Yeah, sure." Muttered the still rather hung over young knight.

"See watch and I'll show you." The blonde knight picked up a short throwing knife and went very slow for Helena's benefit. He extended his arm and the knife hit its mark on the opposite wall a short distance away.

"Got it?"

"Uh yeah…sure." She responded not really sure.

"Galahad and I will go first." They both stood and the girl could sense the competition between the two. Gawain threw his knife first and landed with a dead thud. Galahad went next and his landed right next to Gawains'. Then they turned expectantly towards the girl.

_Well here it goes. I can do this. How hard can it be, really? I can do this._

_No you can't._

_Oh goddess not you again._

_Yes me again. But seriously you can't do this you're screwed._

_I can to do this…No I can't! I'm screwed!_

_Told you…_

Coming back from Looney land she noticed the knights still staring at her. She sighed and picked up a knife. She tried to do exactly what Gawain had showed her. She pulled her arm back and threw it forward releasing the knife. The knife flew, hit hilt first against the wall and then clattered to the ground.

_"At least I didn't kill anybody."_ She thought.

The knights began laughing and she joined in, she wasn't stupid she knew she sucked. The laughter was broken when Lancelot walked over with a look of determination in his eyes. He picked up a knife and threw it landing in the middle of Gawain's and Galahad's.

"My lady, your skills are not that bad and if you would like I could give you some lessons maybe some private lessons." He propositioned.

Before she could even respond a knife zoomed past, rather close to Lancelot's face and embedded itself on the hilt of knife thrown before. She quickly turned and saw the form of Tristan approaching who was in turn staring at Lancelot.

"What are you going to teach her? How to be a dumb ass?" The dark night said making all the other knights laugh and eliciting a glare from Lancelot.

"What and you could teach her better? You barely ever talk and you hate people."

"True. But I'd still be better then you."

"Well then teach her!"

"I will."

""Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Uh boys? It's really not that big of a deal I don't even want to learn that bad." Meekly replied the somewhat scared brunette.

Completely ignoring her Tristan responded. "Meet me here tonight and I'll teach you how to throw a knife. By the end of the night you'll be throwing better then Lancelot." With that he strode away leaving the girl dumbstruck.

Author's Note: Here's another short chapter I meant to post this earlier but Fanfiction was doing this weird update thing so now it's like 3:00 in the morning I'm almost done the next chapter and I'm watching this weird 80's movie with Gena Davis and colorful fuzzy Aliens that turn into Jim Carey, Jeff Goldblum and Damon Wayans. Wow I'm sad. Thank you for everyone who hasn't given up on me. Also thanks for all the reviews. Keep em coming they make me feel special. Smile. YAY!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything….this is boring…

All day Helena felt giant mutant butterflies welling up in her stomach. She had already knocked over a couple pitchers of ale all over a couple of Romans, not that she cared that much. After about the third time she spilled something Vanora made her way over wearing a knowing smile.

"Nervous about something?"

"No!" She half screamed in a reply which caused her to blush.

"Thought so." She then proceeded to brush past Helena to wait on a table.

"Thought so? Thought what? Thought nothing is more like it! Ha ha." She yelled after the red head and then proceeded to laugh rather loudly to herself. Still laughing she spun around and came face to face with…a chest!

Looking up she met the dark eyes of the man who had implanted the mutant butterflies in her stomach.

_That sounds like he knocked you up._

_Are you kidding me? Not again. Well obviously I can't be knocked up considering I haven't done anything with him and I don't intend to. _

_That's what you think but your body is saying something different. Tick tock…_

_I'm not even going to ponder what tick tock means. Just leave me alone._

_Uh, I can't considering I'm you._

_I'm insane._

_Yeah, you're pretty close._

Realizing she was going completely Looney she looked up again and found him looking at her strangely.

"What?" She blurted out.

"Nothing, you're just…odd."

"Aw thanks." She replied sarcastically.

He just ignored her and moved past her, motioning for her to follow. He stopped at a secluded corner of the tavern and produced throwing knives from his vest.

_Oh goddess, here we go._

"First I'm going to teach you how to throw then I'll teach you how to aim."

"Don't you think you should teach me to aim first? I could kill someone!"

"Helena, we're in a secluded corner and the closest person is four tables down."

"Still you never know, better safe then sorry." At this response he just sighed, took a knife and stepped towards her.

Since Tristan was a man of few words he mostly used gestures to show her what to do. Step by step he went and if she didn't get one step right he would make her do it again and again until she got it right. A couple times he had to touch her to fix something she did wrong and Helena kept getting warm tingly feelings wherever he touched her. He made his touches very brief though almost as if he was disgusted to touch her. This pissed Helena off for some reason.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? Do I smell? I just bathed this morning. He is the one that looks like he should bath and maybe brush that hair of his…for the first time in his life! He was touching me the other nigh. Ou that sounds dirty._

"Why don't you try it now?" He asked.

"If you're sure." She muttered. With that she threw the knife it went spiraling towards the wall and almost nicked a nearby man sitting on a bench.

"Would you look at that, I did it!" She exclaimed even though she almost killed a man it still embedded itself in the wall.

"Yeah, but now we got to work on your aim considering you were supposed to hit there." He said while pointing in front of him. "When you hit there and almost killed a man." He gestured to the dagger that was imbedded at least a yard from where it should have hit.

"Well, at least I hit something, you're the one who said Helena, we're fine that man is all the way down there. You won't hit him." She said imitating his deep accent.

"I don't sound like that." Was his only answer.

"Yeah, you do."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"YES!"

"Helena…"

She whispered a quick yes which caused him to glare at her before he proceeded to teach her how to aim.

"Aim for the middle?!?" She objected. "Why not just aim for the bloody spot your aiming for, like a normal person…Unless you are aiming for the middle. But in this case I don't think you are. Is your eyesight that bad? That logic only makes sense if you're drunk. Seriously, aim for the middle…why can't I just do it the normal way?"

"Because normal people don't hit their mark." Was his quiet reply.

"Well…It's still stupid logic!"

His only answer was to sigh. The rest of the night Helena proceeded to throw one knife after the other until she was doing relatively well. After a while Tristan began picking up the knives and putting them back in his vest.

"Am I done then?" She asked somewhat disappointed.

He nodded. "It's getting late; I'll walk you to your room."

The walk was silent and once they reached her door he paused and looked like he was having difficulty with what he was going to say. "Uh, you did good. Tonight, I mean. If you want we could have another lesson tomorrow night, if you're not busy."

She was a little shocked at first because she had assumed he couldn't stand her but now he willingly wanted to spend even more time with her. It was also a little weird to see the deadly Knight so expectant and almost nervous.

"Yeah, sure that sounds great. Well, goodnight and thank you."

"Goodnight."

After she closed her door she threw herself on the bed and let out a girly giggle. Sleep found her quickly that night and her dreams featured a certain dark eyed Knight and something else….

Author's note: So here is another chapter. I have a lot of the story planned out which really means I have random quotes that I wrote all over my notebook that I plan to include haha. But yeah, anyway I don't know when the next chapter will be up. Hopefully in a couple of days because I have to work on my college essays…super. And then there is always good ol' summer reading where I picked a 500 and something book because I'm a complete masochist. Please Review….because I love them…

To Hazelelf1183: You're like my new best friend haha. But seriously I love reading your reviews they always make me smile. Thanks

To Remember to Feel Real: Thank you for the review and that movie was sooooo freakin weird, but I love Jim Carey so much I had to watch it. Oh the 80's….Thanks again.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own squat…

_She was alone standing in the middle of a field surrounded by grass that came up to her waist. She ran her hands through it feeling it softness run across her palms. It was a queer place indeed, but not unpleasant. The grass seemed to go on forever but in the distance she could see smoke rising from what she assumed was a village. _

_Just as she was about to worry she heard footsteps behind her, turning quickly she came face to face with Tristan. He wasn't wearing his usual attire of armor but was dressed in a simple brown tunic and pants. He seemed more relaxed and carefree not to mention ravishing. Just as she was about to ask him where they were he grabbed her by the hand and started running through the thick grass. Abruptly, he stopped in what seemed to be a clearing of some sort. His large hand remained closed around her tiny one and he just looked into her eyes for what seemed like hours. _

"_Where are we?" she asked._

"_Home." Was his only response._

_Just as she was about to ask another question he suddenly disappeared._

"_Tristan? Tristan?!? Where are you? This isn't funny!" She yelled as she spun around searching for the dark haired Knight._

_Suddenly she heard a weird gurgling sound coming from below her. Looking down she spotted a clump of dark hair that barely made it to her thigh. It lifted its head revealing the chubby face of a child. He lifted his small hand and grabbed hold of hers and tugged. She kneeled in front of him as he grabbed hold of her face, smiled and let out a squeal of delight. She couldn't help but smile back; he was absolutely adorable with his unruly dark hair and gleaming brown eyes._

"_If you want this you can have it."_

_Tristan's calm voice startled her and she looked in the direction it came. There he was just standing there with that carefree expression on his face._

"_What are you talking about?" She asked all the while still holding the child in her arms._

"_If you want this you can have it. You just have to fight for it."_

"_I don't understand. What is this? Where are we? What am I fighting for? Well, are you going to answer me? Tristan?!?" She half yelled at the elusive Knight. With a subtle smile he responded._

"_Helena it's time to wake up."_

Helena shot up out of bed breathing hard.

_What the hell was that all about?_ She thought rubbing her temple.

_I've finally gone and done it, I'm completely mad. But what does it mean? What did he say? If want it I have to fight for it. Well what do I want? A child, is that it? I guess I do but with who? And what was Tristan doing there? I don't want him as the father of my children...hell no!_

_Yes you do. _Replied that annoying voice in Helena's head.

_No I don't!_

_Yes you do._

_No!_

_Yes!_

_This is starting to become a habit, a crazy habit at that. _She thought shaking herself out of her insane argument.

The golden haired women looked out the window and noticed that the sun was just beginning to rise. Deciding that she was already up and might as well go to work, she got ready. She slipped into a clean dress and tied on her apron. She washed her face in a nearby bowel of water on her night stand and pulled her wavy hair back into a braid. After she slipped on her shoes she walked out her rather heavy door.

Walking down the narrow hallway she noticed the room next to hers. It had a cut out in the wall that she guessed served as a window even though she would have to stand on her tip toes to see through. Out of curiosity…not that she was spying or anything she stood on her tip toes and peaked in. The sight that greeted her eyes was something that she would never forget.

There in the middle of the room stood a tall man faced away from her who wasn't wearing any clothes. She knew it was Tristan, that messy half braided hair she could spot anywhere. He had broad tanned shoulders and a nicely muscled back that was lined with scars.

_No doubt from all his years of fighting. _She assumed.

As her eyesight moved lower she blushed as she realized he was naked from the waist down as well.

_Oh my, he really does have a nice backside. _She thought sighing to herself.

At that moment Tristan quickly spun around causing Helena to do the only thing she could think of, drop to floor, landing on her stomach hoping beyond hope he didn't see her.

Clinging to the floor she heard movement coming from inside the room. She quickly began to crawl away on her hands and knees not even noticing the door opening to reveal a rather amused Knight watching her.

"Having fun down there?"

The brunette cringed upon hearing his deep distinctive voice. Slowly she turned her head and let out a nervous laugh which was slowly but surely becoming her trademark.

"Hello! How's your morning going?" She let out nervously. She also noticed that he was now wearing pants and she didn't know if she was more relived or disappointed. He still had no shirt on though and she blushed remembering everything she saw.

"Do I want to know what your doing down there?" He asked trying not to laugh.

"Uh, well you see…um when I was coming out of my room, the room that happens to be the one right next to yours I uh noticed this um moth, yes moth! And it was quite out the ordinary you see. It had a strange coloring of…grey…shit! No, it was um blue. No it was Indigo. Yes Indigo! And it was on that window ledge right there so I began to examine it but then it quickly flew to the ground here so I got down here to better examine it. But then it started to crawl away so I began crawling after it." She blurted out.

"Well where is it?" He questioned.

"Uh…it must have flown away. So sorry you missed it."

"Well I'll let you get back to your moth hunting then." He replied obviously not believing any of it.

"Where are you going?" She asked not even knowing what made her do it.

"Hunting."

"Hunting! Ha! How ironic, I'm hunting too! Except I'm hunting moths, but I don't plan on killing them or anything just watch. Well, have fun!" She babbled.

His only response was to sigh and close his door.

After the door was closed Helena just lay on the ground with her hands covering her face.

_I want to die I want to curl up and die! Oh well at least I got to see that gorgeous backside of his before I go. _

_You want him._

_I want him!_

_What? No argument this time?_

_Did you or did you not see the same naked man I saw? I want him bad._

_Point taken. _

Author's Note: Hey everybody! I know you all hate me and I'm sorry. I suck. Most of it was because I was busy with everything and a lot of it was laziness and not knowing what to write. I'm not going to make any promises because I suck at keeping them. But I will promise this. I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY! Even if it kills me! haha. I have a lot written down for the end but I need to write all the in-between stuff. I have the next chapter kind of planned in my head so hopefully I'll get that out soon. I have been home all this week with some viral infection and supposed Mono but thank god I found out today I don't have it! But yeah I have been working on this all week and I really really hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. I'm also thinking of raising the rating to M so I can write a future sex scene let me know if you are for or against that.

St.elmo-lover and Zenrockstar and Redbess: I love you guys. Thank you so much for the positive feedback you have no idea ho much it means to me.

Readerfreak10: Thank you so much. Haha believe me has happened to me as well that's where a lot of the inspiration comes from, me making an ass of myself. And I do like pretty much anything chocolate so candy or cookies sound delightful.

Hazelelf1183" Hey BFF! Haha I heart you, this chapter is mostly for you. I hope I didn't let you down with the dream sequence, I'm not really sure about it but whatev. I hope you stick with me.

And last but not least

Mairi: Thank you for taking the time to give me constructive feedback. I tried to tone down the language but I believe that Helena having a bad mouth is part of her appeal. As to the comment about the characters being unbelievable, I tried very hard to keep Tristan in character, yes he may talk more but that's because Helena is probably one of the few people to take the time and actually talk to him or make him laugh. Helena may not seem realistic to you but in my world she is, pretty much all the clumsy things she has done has come from experiences I have been in or experiences my friends have been in. As for talking as they would nowadays I'll try to work on that but its pretty hard considering I'm not from 467 AD. But thank you and hopefully you'll like my story better as it goes on and if not well then I'm sorry but don't read it.

Gosh this is a long AN...sorry


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